Who am
I?
I am a
survivor, a woman, a mature adult, well educated, intelligent, honest and had
to be very strong in adversity. I experienced the worse possible sexual abuse as a child in Brussels in the corridors of power that is the European Union.
If you
can imagine the worst things that could ever happen to you, I most probably
experience all of them. Whilst I am an atheist there are times I have believed
maybe I was cursed spiritually because no one individual could ever experience
so much trauma in one life time. I should have been an actress because I have
managed to hide my horrible secrets from family members and the outside world
for so long. Initially it was shame, then it was fear of not being believed
because my own mother and my abusers covered their tracks very well. Even after
I cut off my family for the continued psychological abuse I felt I couldn’t
tell some trusted relatives on my dad’s side of my family because it would
distress them and they wouldn’t know how to react or help. After all even
people without trauma have difficult issues to deal with in life and adding my
very heavy issues would be an insurmountable burden.
Why now?
I have a
serious life threatening illness and it has made me assess my life and
re-evaluate my priorities. I have had a few scary experiences health wise these
last 12 months I feel I have nothing to lose right now and no one to protect
from making my story public. I am very scared but even when I do nothing I am
still very scared of the world. I have been so scared that I have attempted
suicide twice and have had very strong feelings about suicide as recent as 3
weeks ago. But now I am more scared that I will leave this life an
insignificant person with no legacy. I may never get justice for the abuse I
endured but at least the world should know what horrors can happen behind
closed doors. I have been in various
therapies and treatments for 8 years now and I feel I have exhausted the means
of recovery. I have been told a few times that therapies are for guidance and
you have to find ways to heal yourself and to move away from your past. It is
much more difficult when you don’t have any family in your day to day life, or
close family or personal friends to help you progress and follow up on
everything you learn. I endured various types of abuse due to incitement or
neglect from my family and people I know
No comments:
Post a Comment